Our Daily Lives
by Nanosoul
Summary: What if Chell, Wheatley and GLaDOS lived together under the same roof? Everyday conflicts wreck havoc, alliances and enemies are formed and someone still has to take care of the chores...
1. Chapter 1:  Pancakes

-Our Daily Lives-

Wheatley was discarded out onto the couch, resting upside down and _highly_ uncomfortable. It was irrelevant, really, that he was even _in_ this position. He blinked once, his stratosphere blue optic looking around dimly. He blinked again. Wheatley just laid there for a few moments, still a little groggy from exiting sleep mode. He stared blankly at the wall, waiting for _someone_ to notice him, but no assistance came. He sighed through his vocal processor, waited a moment and sighed again. But the room stayed the same, and no one was coming to his rescue.

"Probably didn't hear me." Wheatley said aloud. "They're probably still sleeping somewhere, most likely. Yes, that's it. Asleep. Sleeping. Somewhere else- Somewhere not here. Yes, that's it." There was an electrical hum and suddenly a sharp voice filled the room. "Well actually, I'm making breakfast. And I _did_ hear you, I just simply _don't care_." Wheatley let out a groan and swiveled his optic to try and catch a glimpse of the voice's owner. GLaDOS hung from the ceiling, her long white face blank and expressionless and her golden optic glowing coldly. Wheatley recalled that living together wasn't exactly the brightest idea of all, but at least it worked. GLaDOS hung there, waiting for a response which was rarely rejected by Wheatley. After a moment, she simply slipped back into the ceiling and emerged into the kitchen which was brightly lit despite the general darkness in the rest of the rooms. Wheatley sighed, this time for real and responded.

"Could you _at least_ take me in there? I'm sure there's loads more to do in there than just sitting here and staring at this bloody wall all day!" Wheatley paused for a moment. Suddenly, a claw-like hand extended from the ceiling and grabbed ahold of his metal frame. He let out a short yelp of surprise as he was hoisted up into the air and carried promptly to the kitchen.

GLaDOS was hanging in the center of the room, moving about and taking care of various tasks to prepare breakfast. She stopped only for a moment to acknowledge Wheatley, who now wasn't just upside down, but hanging from the ceiling as well. "I'm making pancakes this morning. Ever had one? I hear they're like cake, except you eat them for breakfast." Wheatley blinked at her flat, monotone voice.

"No- um, I'm afraid not. I honestly don't see how I _could've_ actually- when you think about it. Never had cake either. We were never exactly on friendly terms in the facility, and there aren't bakeries in space." "Oh, we still aren't on friendly terms you moron." Wheatley let out a half-hearted laugh. "Ah, um, yes. New topic! Yes, would it kill you to install a management rail here? I honestly can't keep being, well you know, _not moving._ Then I could help you cook breakfast and stuff. I can't say I actually _know_ how to bake, but I could learn. Learn by experience. That's how it works, you know?" Wheatley looked up and noticed GLaDOS wasn't actually _there_.

And here he was, just suspended in midair by a robotic arm. Just watching a batch of pancakes sizzled on a hot stove. How exciting. Wheatley looked around for someone and started to swing himself slowly back and forth. He found it quite amusing, just sitting there, swinging back and forth.

Suddenly, there was a knock and Wheatley spun to see Chell standing in the doorway. "Hallo! Gooood morning! GLaDOS and I made-" Wheatley spun around to find charred black rocks smoking purposelessly on the stove top. He let out a shriek of dismay and turned back to Chell who was eyeing him with a suspicious stare. "Ah, yes- Tiny problem. Minuscule. Somebody seems to have stolen the pancakes and replaced them with rocks when I wasn't looking. Honestly, why rocks? What idiot steals pancakes and replaces them with rocks?" Wheatley was actually quite glad that he, for once, could actually wave around a word like idiot and not be insulted. It made him feel quite good.

Chell raised an eyebrow and walked into the kitchen, scrutinizing the charred masses that were laid out over the stove. There was a whirring sound and GLaDOS emerged from the ceiling. "I'm sorry; I was just trying out this new management rail I installed for myself." She glanced at the stove and froze. "What happened to the pancakes?" Wheatley let out a nervous laugh, his optic darting to look everywhere except her face.

"Well, you see… Someone….sort of….stole the pancakes and replaced them with rocks. B-But it was an honest mistake! They snuck in when I wasn't looking! How was I to know that some bloody thief was going to steal them? _You_ were the one that left in the first place!" "You really _are _a moron, aren't you? You just burnt them. I left to see if you would take care of the baking like you said, and also to try out this thing because it's really fun, but that doesn't matter. Because _you failed_. Goodbye, moron."

Suddenly, the arm was moving, and dragging the unsuspecting Wheatley away from the room. "Nono! Nonononono! Let's- Let's negotiate something here! Don't just go around, assuming that I should be DEAD because I turned the pancakes into rocks! It- It's actually like a _miracle_, you know? I didn't exactly turn stone into bread, like that one guy did, b-but I turned pancakes into stone! That's gotta be worth _some _sort of extra credit! Wh-What do you think Chell would think of this? Chell?"

Wheatley glanced over at Chell who was standing next to GLaDOS with her arms crossed. She shook her head disapprovingly. "_You burnt the pancakes." _Wheatley stared at the two of them, an aghast look on his face, as he dangled in midair. He squirmed around, fighting the vice grip of the robotic arm, screaming all the way.

The arm continued to drag Wheatley towards the doorway, despite his rebellion. "Nonono! PLEASE! I am literally _begging _you! NOOO! HELP ME!" Wheatley was hanging just outside the doorway when the robotic arm suddenly released him. He let out a shout of surprise and hit the ground, swearing that there was a newly formed dent in his handle.

"Wheatley, you are hereby banished from the kitchen." GLaDOS pronounced flatly. Wheatley managed to sit up and glared at the two of them, his optic glowing with dismay. "B-But I-" Chell raised a hand. "You have violated use of the kitchen and have to earn back your right to enjoy it." GLaDOS turned to the stove and started humming a tune a she put on a new batch of batter. Wheatley just sat there, in the hallway, watching. "Can I _at least_ get a management rail?"


	2. Chapter 2: Vocal Errors

{A/N- So obviously, this is the next little chapter in Our Daily Lives and it does involve a few foreign languages. Feel free to copy and paste into Google Translate or something, that's pretty much what I did x3 }

-Our Daily Lives- [Part Two]

There was a scream. Chell immediately threw down the newspaper and sprinted down the hallway. As she was running, arms pumping and hair streaming behind her, she heard the scream again and traced it to the washroom. Chell spun on her heel and burst through the doorway. "What is going-" She froze as she spotted GLaDOS hanging in the middle of the room, the washing machine spinning nonchalantly as the two locked eyes. GLaDOS's face was straight and unblinking, evident that she was hiding something. Chell scanned her over a few times before speaking.

"GLaD? What are you doing?" GLaDOS remained frozen and stiff but managed a reply. "Nothing. Just washing clothes." There was a metallic _thunk _from the washing machine_. _Chell raised an eyebrow questionably. GLaDOS returned her look with a hard stare. A few minutes passed, the two locked into an epic stare down, before another shriek was heard coming from the washing machine. Chell flung the door open and gasped as soap, water, laundry and Wheatley pooled onto the floor. He still seemed fully functional, but was soaked and an occasional spark emitted from his shell when he tried to move around. Wheatley's optic glared intensely at GLaDOS who actually looked quite amused.

"GLaDOS, _What_ did I tell you about almost killing Wheatley?" Chell shouted. GLaDOS stared guiltily at the floor. "It's not _my_ fault. That moron was sleeping in the laundry basket." "I was in my _bed_, mind you! The cardboard box in Chell's room that _literally _says 'Wheatley's Bed, Not a Laundry Basket'! And look at where I end up! In a bloody _washing machine_!" GLaDOS chuckled softly to herself. Chell sent her a dead serious glare and she stopped immediately. "GLaDOS, for your punishment today, you get to do all the chores _and_ cook us food." GLaDOS let out a gasp of shock. "But I do that _every day!_ I'm the only one that _can_ cook! And I have to do all of your chores too? You truly are a terrible person." "Not as terrible as putting me in a bloody _washing machine_!" GLaDOS sighed and slipped into the ceiling.

Wheatley turned and shot Chell a thankful look but she was already making her way out of the room. "H-Hey, HEY! Don't just _leave _me here! At least take me with you!" Chell sighed and grabbed the core by his handles, fitting him into the crook of her arm. As the two neared the kitchen, they saw GLaDOS working away and muttering something angrily to herself. Chell cleared her throat and she spun and gave them a hard stare. "Oh. It's _you two_ again. Well, no thanks to you, I'm cooking _and_ washing the dishes at the same time. How fun. I doubt I'll have any time to do science today." "Well, _technically _you _are _doing science. Science is like, fire and stuff, and you're… cooking. Cooking with fire. Science." Wheatley burst in. GLaDOS's gaze hardened into a piercing glare as she eyed Wheatley over, who had shrank back into the protection of Chell's grasp.

"You little _moron. _You've never _really_ done science, have you?" GLaDOS pulled in closer and was now looming over the two figures, her optic casting them in a golden glow. Wheatley let out a half-hearted laugh, his optic avoiding direct contact with hers. Chell, noticing Wheatley's obvious stress in the situation, gently shoved GLaDOS's gleaming white face backwards. "Hurry up and make lunch already. And _please_, make something else besides cake." GLaDOS gave Chell a flat look after her comment and turned back to finish her tasks.

Chell set Wheatley down on a counter and took a pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge. Wheatley just sat there, watching her. It was kind of _creepy_, to Chell at least. She would just be sitting there, nonchalantly drinking some lemonade, and when she'd turn around his dull blue gaze would be eyeing her every move. Well, he _did _try to kill her once, but they were friends now, or at least that's what Chell knew. Chell took a sip of her beverage and glanced sideways. Wheatley. She fixed her gaze on GLaDOS for a minute, watching her work, then stole a glance at the counter again. Wheatley. Now she was watching him too, both unblinking and staring intently at each other. After a few minutes, Wheatley finally blinked, the sudden movement catching Chell by surprise. She jerked her hand in a startled motion, flinging the glass and its contents directly towards the unsuspecting Wheatley. Chell cringed and looked away as the lemonade splashed Wheatley in the face; a shot she doubted she could make if she was actually _trying_.

He let out an earsplitting shriek through his vocal processor that was abruptly cut off at the sound of a short circuit. GLaDOS swung around, her optic wide with shock. "Great job. And I thought _I _would be the one to kill him in the end." Chell reached across the counter and snatched Wheatley's metallic frame. He was still alive, to Chell's relief, but didn't look happy at all. "What were you _thinking?_ You've gone absolutely crazy! Bonkers! You almost _killed_ me! I-I thought we were closer than that! I was just sitting there and- and- and- a-a-a-a-a-_bzzzt."_ Wheatley's voice suddenly cut off and the dim blue glow left his cracked optic. Chell stared, jaw gaping, at the seemingly lifeless figure on the counter. "Oh. Looks like you rebooted him. This should be fun." GLaDOS said blankly. Chell stole a look at her face and noticed she looked rather _happy_ at the possibility Wheatley could be dead. GLaDOS noticed Chell's annoyed look and added a comment. "You know, this is _your _fault this time. I taught you very well." Chell shoved her face away and proceeded to clean up the spilled lemonade. She was almost done when Wheatley's shell suddenly whirred back to life.

"Gah! Look what you've done! That was the first time I'd _ever_ had a system failure like that, thanks to you and your stupid lemonade-ade-ade-ade-ade…_bzzzzzt. _No es bueno. ¿Qué estoy diciendo? ¿Hola? ¿Me entiendes? Porque yo no puedo! ¡Oh, no, esto no es bueno!" Chell's eyes grew wide in surprise; she turned to look over at GLaDOS who was laughing hysterically over by the stove. "What did you do? Fix him! I can't speak Spanish!" she shouted in her direction. "What did _I_ do? I made a batch of chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for lunch. You, on the other hand, short circuited his vocal processor. It happens to everyone at some point. I spoke German for three years after a nasty little thunderstorm I got caught up in." "¿Puede alguien por favor arreglar yo aquí? Estoy hablando en una especie de ... lengua extranjera o algo así!" "Shut it moron, you're speaking Spanish." GLaDOS said coldly. Chell sent her a suspicious glance and GLaDOS slowly turned to try and return to her cooking. "GLaD….." She spun around angrily, annoyance glowing in her golden optic. "Yes, I understand him, okay? You want to know what he says? He says he'll hate you forever, kill you in your sleep, then eat _all_ of the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. That's right. None for you. That's what he says." Chell glanced quizzically in Wheatley's direction where his optic was glancing around in a panicked fashion.

"Yo no he dicho eso! Ni siquiera he tenido nuggets de pollo, aunque la parte de los dinosaurios suena bastante divertido, pero ¿cómo era posible que yo te mate? No puedo sostener un cuchillo o una pistola o un ..._bzzzzt."_ This time, Chell looked at him rather blankly, not really surprised at all. She just hoped he would hurry up and speak English for once. Wheatley blinked, hesitating a moment before trying out his vocal processor. "Ow, um… Kono koto wa, mada hataraite iru? Watashi wa mada watashi ga i~tsu te mattaku wakaranai mono o motte irunode, watashi wa nō to iudarou." A subtle gleam of hope left Chell's eyes as soon as she heard him say the first syllable. She turned to GLaDOS who was still laughing as she cooked and sighed.

"Can you _please_ fix him?" "Can _you_ do all the chores for today?" Chell sighed and nodded. GLaDOS pulled up closer to the counter and eyed Wheatley over, who was sending wary looks at Chell for letting _her_ get all up in his face. Suddenly, out of nowhere, GLaDOS produced a glass of lemonade and threw it in his face without hesitation. She laughed as he let out a scream of agony. "Anata wa kureijī sukoshi nani o shite iru- _bzzzzzt._ Ow… What happened?" Chell immediately jumped up and hugged the core, who was quite surprise at her sudden act of smothering him. Wheatley shot an angry glance at GLaDOS who had returned to cooking in the kitchen. "Honestly, did you _really_ have to do that again? That _hurt_! I swear, I'll never enjoy that bloody lemonade again! Almost killed me, it did. Absolutely painful." GLaDOS spun to face Wheatley's angry gaze. "Well then, I'd say you actually gained something from this. You're a moron, well at least one that spoke at least three different languages. You've also been baptized. With lemonade. Your sins are forgiven and you are now cleansed." Wheatley blinked and glanced at Chell who shrugged. "I've also discovered that you really_ don't _have any way to kill us in our sleep, so I'll get working on that." Chell gave Wheatley a suspicious look. He gave out a nervous laugh and shifted his gaze somewhere else.

Chell sat up in bed. She could've sworn she had heard something. She glanced at her clock. It was 3:25 in the morning. Chell sighed and went back to bed. After a few minutes, she heard it again. _Thunk_. Chell immediately reached sideways and flicked the lamp on, illuminating the room with a dull glow. On the foot of her bed sat Wheatley, an evil look on his face and a butter knife duct-taped to his handle. Chell screamed and kicked him across the room where he hit the side of the wall with a yelp of surprise. Wheatley shrieked in pain. "What is your _problem? _I just needed help cutting some apples for a snack!" Chell eyed him suspiciously. "With a butter knife?" Wheatley laughed nervously. "Well, um… just put me back in my box. I'm tired." Chell raised an eyebrow quizzically. "No, I think you'll just stay on the floor."


	3. Chapter 3: Movable Wheatley

-Our Daily Lives [Part Three]

"GLaDOS?" Wheatley moaned.

"GLaDOS?" No reply.

"GLLaaaaaDOOOOOSS!"

GLaDOS sighed and spun around to face Wheatley who was laid out on the counter. "What is it, moron?" she replied coldly. Wheatley looked away nervously.

"Well, um, er, I was wondering- well, sort of wondering- if you could, maybe, give me something to move around a bit more? I mean, I can't just sit here the rest if my life, watching you cook and stuff. It's utterly boring. Absolutely. Absolutely terrible. Very. So if you maybe could-" GLaDOS cut him off. "We've had this talk before. I said no. You're a big enough disaster already, and if you could actually move, that would be the end of life as we know it." Wheatley let out a complaining noise. "B-But I-" "I think he should be able to move."Wheatley glanced sideways to see Chell standing in the doorway. She turned to GLaDOS. "I mean, why not? _You_ have _your_ ways to get around, it's only fair Wheatley gets his." Wheatley nodded in agreement...well, he sort of nodded. GLaDOS sighed and turned away. "Fine. But I'll have nothing to do with it. And if you make a mess _at all_ then I 'll have to punish you both. Got it?" Chell gave her a solemn nod and snatched Wheatley's frame from the counter. She raced to her room and set him down on the bed.

"So, got any plans Chelso?" he asked. Chell looked Wheatley over a few times before replying. "About how much do you weigh? Around 10 pounds maybe?" Chell grabbed a pen and some paper and started sketching out a plan. Wheatley occasionally glanced over her shoulder, making sure the plans were, well, safe since he and Chell weren't exactly on friendly terms. Wheatley was almost positive she would get him back one day. Suddenly, Chell glanced up, an evil gleam in her eye. "Say, Wheatley. Do you like balloons?"

Wheatley was on the roof where Chell was busily working away, tying dozens of balloons to his handles. "This is a brilliant idea! I've always wanted to fly, you know? I wonder what it's like up there? I'll be able to see _everything_! I'll be _huge_ compared to you guys!" Chell was occasionally nodding, not really listening at all to his rant. When she finished, she gripped his lower handle with one hand and held a video camera in the other. "Alright, Movable Wheatley, take one, ACTION!" A small red light clicked on in the side of the camera.

Chell let go of his handle and he started to slowly float up. Wheatley was laughing hysterically as he ascended into the air. Chell had to crane her neck to track the sphere as he continued to rise, the small camera documenting every move. "I'm so high! Look at how high I am! I-I'm flying! Flying Wheatley! Haha! WOOOO!" he continued to shout things until he suddenly froze in midair, apart from the floating. Wheatley's optic grew wide with terror.

"OH NO. OHNONONONONONO! Chell? CHELL! Get me DOWN! GETMEDOWNGETMEDOWNGETMEDOWN!" Chell glanced up and saw small black shapes start to circle around the core who was barely visible in the sky. She laughed in spite of herself. "CHEEELLLLLL! BIRDS! Th-There's dozens of these bloody BIRDS! CHELL! GET. ME. DOWN!" Wheatley let out a scream through his vocal processor as one of the birds landed on his handle.

Chell reached down, grabbed an air soft gun, and started shooting rounds in his direction. Wheatley screamed again as a plastic bullet tore through one of the balloons. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SHOOT THE BLOODY BIRDS!" Chell aimed and took out another one of the balloons. Wheatley jerked downwards for a second with his support suddenly diminished. He let out a yell and Chell cupped her hands over her mouth to respond. "How else am I supposed to get you down?" she called up to him. "I don't know! Just NOT by shooting! AHHH! The birds are coming back! HELP!" "_You're_ the one who took the descender out of the design, remember? You said it looked to heavy! It even had an anti-bird turret attached to it!" Wheatley took a moment to process her reply.

"That _would_ have been helpful... I guess..." Chell sighed and started to shoot again but instead of the soft _pfft_ the gun usually made, she was met with an empty click. "I'm out!" she called. Wheatley moaned. The birds were circling closer and were starting to peck at his balloons. There was a _pop_ and one fell limply to his side. Wheatley had gone from screaming to moaning with terror, almost crying. Chell looked around for something to use to get him down and found nothing at her disposal. She heard another_ pop_ and noticed that Wheatley was starting to descend, only having a few balloons left. He let out a startled yelp as the remaining balloons burst and was screaming again as he entered free fall.

"CATCH ME! CATCHMECATCHMECATCHMECATCHME!" Chell blinked in surprise as she spotted the sphere hurtling at her at surprising speeds. She squeezed her eyes shut and held out a hand, which surprisingly met contact with his handle. Chell was flung backward upon impact, Wheatley flying loose from her grip. He landed with a thud on the lawn, trembling with fear.

Chell hastily jumped down from the roof and looked him over. "HOW COULD YOU? YOU DROPPED ME AGAIN! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD ACTUALLY CATCH ME FOR ONCE!" Wheatley said in a sudden outburst, anger flaring up in his optic. Then he suddenly burst into sobs, wailing and trembling with fear. "I-I was- It was- I-I was _so_ scared!" he whimpered. Chell grabbed his metallic frame and gave him a reassuring hug.

"Okay, new plan. This time, _I'll_ be the one to come up with it, seeming as _yours_ almost ended with my death." Wheatley stated. The two were on Chell's bed once again, surround by crumpled up designs that had been forever abandoned. Chell sighed. "It wasn't _my_ fault, you were the one to go screwing up my plans." Wheatley scoffed at her response and glanced down at the current plan, which displayed nothing more than a blank sheet of paper. "Well, balloons sucked so we should try something else, that_ doesn't_ involve birds or flying...or birds." Chell raised an eyebrow. "Sucked? Stop trying to be American, you fail at it terribly. It was, and I quote, 'terrifying! Absolutely terrifying! What a bloody mess that turned out to be!'" she said, trying her best to imitate Wheatley's accent. He sighed and restated his comment. "Okay, okay... It was terribly awry, to be honest. Couldn't have been worst. Honestly terrible. We should just, put me into one of your old long fall boots or something, that a way I don't fall out and die. We could...put wheels on it or something. And one of those anti-bird turrets, those could be useful. Chell, are you even listening to me?" Chell was busily digging through her closet, finally emerging after a few minutes with a pair of long fall boots in hand. Wheatley's optic grew in surprise. "W-Wow...Okay...Boots it is then."

The two spent a few hours finalizing their design until they had finally finished and were ready for testing. They stood at the top of the stairwell, Chell with the video camera in hand and Wheatley strapped tightly into a single long fall boot, the bottom lined with wheels. He was shifting around nervously as Chell prepared the test. "Okay, Movable Wheatley, take two, aaaannd ACTION!" she called, the red light flicking on perfectly on cue. Wheatley shifted around some more. "Aaaannd... Okay, I'm ready!" Chell ran up and Sparta-kicked the boot off the stairwell. It spiraled through the air, flying across the room until it hit the ceiling with a _twack_ and fell back to the floor. The boot did a few flips, then landed perfectly, right-side up and steadily rolling on its wheels. Wheatley was still inside, laughing with delight. "Haha! That was fun! And it worked! For once it didn't end in utter disaster! I'm actually-" he cut off as a chunk of the ceiling collapsed, hitting him directly with a puff of dust. In that exact moment, GLaDOS was on her way to tell a couple of morons to keep it down when her gaze fell upon the ruined hallway.

Everything was silent for a moment, Chell was frozen stiff, locking eyes with GLaDOS's piercing glare. "He did it." she said childishly, pointing a finger towards the mass of rubble in the center of the hall. GLaDOS shifted her stare to the pile and reached down with a robotic arm, lifting the pale and dust-covered Wheatley out of the rubble. He let out a nervous laugh, his optic darting back and fourth. "Well, um, yes, you see, I-I was- There was, um, a ninja! Yeah, a ninja and it... it, um, broke the ceiling! Yes, just that. Totally not my fault. Absolutely not. So...er, yes, you could put me down now. Because I didn't do... anything. Nothing at all. Absolutely nothing." He let out another half-hearted laugh but GLaDOS's gaze remained fixed on him in a VERY angry fashion.

"You HONESTLY think I believe you? Ninjas? Really? You really are a moron." "Heh heh... Did I say ninjas? I meant...er, cats! Yes! I giant cat broke the ceiling..." Wheatley's voice trailed off as he noticed that his excuses were only making the AI angrier. GLaDOS's optic narrowed. "_You_ will be punished. As well as-" she spun to see Chell quietly sneaking out of the room and extended a mechanical arm, lifting her up into the air and suspending her by the trembling Wheatley. "-you. Now, you two are hereby banned from this house. Temporarily. I'm sure I can find _plenty_ for you to do outside. Goodbye. Oh, and please pick up some milk from the store, we ran out after the cake last night." GLaDOS proceeded to drag the two to the door and flung them outside. Chell landed fine, thanks to her long fall boots, Wheatley however, ended up in a tree. He sighed. "We should give her melted cheese instead of milk." Chell face palmed.


	4. Chapter 4: Being Wheatley

**A/N: Finally got this one done! I blame procrastination... TT-TT Anywho, Enjoy the extra lengthiness of ODL 4! (Because we all know that's rare x3)  
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Wheatley was still in his tree. It had been three days since he and Chell were kicked out, and one day since Chell was permitted back in. He scowled. While he was repeatedly throwing insults at GLaDOS, she had calmly walked to the store and returned with a milk carton, thus allowed back inside. Wheatley sighed. The tree was well, boring, and full of...birds. Chell would come out every once and a while just to laugh as he was brutally assaulted by the flying..._monsters_. Just then, there was a rustle of leaves and a tiny black head poked out through the branches. Wheatley moaned. "Not you again... Please, just _stay away from me_!" The bird tilted its head and fluttered on top of him in response. Wheatley let out a panicked scream and tried to shake it off. "GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF YOU BLOODY MONSTER! HELP! ANYBODY!"

_ "Had enough moron?"_

The bird suddenly took off, startled by the voice. Wheatley turned to find the white face of GLaDOS peering through the doorway. He let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank goodness! You saved me! I honestly never thought you would turn to such a-" GLaDOS's voice cut him off. "While you were...suspended, I've been experimenting. And I've run out of test subjects. Now, if you would give me your consent, I'll be happy to remove you from that tree and we'll begin right away." Wheatley broke out into laughter. "Y-You honestly think I would give you the right to 'test' me? You've got to be joking! I'd _never_-" A metallic claw suddenly grasped his shell out of nowhere and yanked him into the house. Wheatley let out a startled cry as he was dragged into the depths of the tiny apartment, through a door he never noticed and into a dark room full of wires and circuits. He screamed as he was thrust into some sort of socket and immediately felt wires close around him. Then, everything went black.

Wheatley's optic flew open to be met with a blinding light. "AAAGHH! IT BURNS! TURN THE LIGHTS OFF! TUNRITOFFTURNITOFFTURNITOFF!" he screamed in agony. "Wheatley, the lights_ are_ off." he heard Chell's voice call from the corner of the room. "Chell! Chelso! I'm _SOOO_ glad you're here!" Wheatley slowly opened his eyes to be met with a light not near as blinding as before. Suddenly, a sudden realization hit him. "Er...Um..Chell? I feel a little awry if you know what I mean. What exactly happened?" Chell produced a handheld mirror and aimed it in front of him. "See for yourself." Wheatley squinted at the image, trying to make it out. After a few puzzling minutes, he managed to make sense of the image. And that ended with more screaming.

A human face stared back at him. About Chell's age, auburn hair combed to one side and partially covering his right eye. His eyes were stratosphere blue, a crack shaped scar running through the left, and he was dressed in the average Aperture testing uniform. Hit by the sudden shock of his new image, Wheatley swatted the mirror away with an arm, only to hold it up in front of his face and scream some more. "HANDS? I DON'T WANT ANY BLOODY HANDS!" Wheatley suddenly flipped off the bed in a flailing matter and landed face first on the floor. Chell immediately sprang up, trying to help her traumatized friend. "Human? I. Don't. Want. To. Be. Human! Humans are...humans! I don't know how to work a human! This is-" he was abruptly cut off by Chell grabbing his collar forcefully. "Get. A. _Grip_ Wheatley!" Stunned by her sudden outburst, Wheatley fell silent.

"Okay, I promised GLaD that I would teach you to be human. I'm going to teach you how to be Wheatley, okay?" Wheatley nodded slowly in response. "Okay, step one. You are on the floor. Most people dislike being on the floor." "I dislike being on the floor." he replied solemnly. Chell patted his head reassuringly. "Okay then, sit up." Wheatley gave her a blank stare and raised his arm in confusion. Chell face palmed. "No Wheatley... That's your arm... Just- like this!" Chell laid out flat on the ground and slowly sat up, emphasizing the motions in her arms. Wheatley gingerly tested the skill, collapsing a few times, until finally sitting upward successfully. "I did it!" he shouted triumphantly, pumping his fist into the air. Chell demonstrated some more until Wheatley was finally standing on wobbly legs. "Alright then, I'd say you'd make a good human." Chell stated proudly. Wheatley grinned and took a step forward only to find himself lying in a heap on the floor again. A few more lessons and he was on his feet and well, walking... well, it was close enough.

"See look, Movable Wheatley!" Wheatley said, gesturing to his legs as he wandered around aimlessly. At the oddest of moments, he would randomly trip on nothing in particular, usually ending up at step one. Finally, they had made it to the kitchen. Wheatley was standing in the doorway, peering in nervously and scouting the ceiling for any sign of GLaDOS. "Yes, um, Chell? Remember I'm not allowed to come in? She would literally kill me!" Chell walked over to the table and dragged it over to Wheatley, leaving half of it out if the doorway. Wheatley immediately grabbed a chair and sat down. "Whatcha going to make? I hope it's those chicken nugget things, they looked good. Maybe some cake? Chell?" Chell stepped into the kitchen and returned quickly with a bowl of Cheerios. Wheatley's eyes widened at the sight of the bowl.

"What is _that_?" Chell pulled out a box and turned to the readers, holding it out and gesturing with her other hand. "Cheerios. A nutritious breakfast in a yellow box! Now with whole wheat!" Wheatley shoved the bowl away. "NO! I am _not_ eating anything with wheat in it! That's like cannibalism!" Chell face-palmed and produced an apple which Wheatley turned over carefully in his hands. "Okay then! ...How do I eat?" Chell grabbed another apple and bit into it, Wheatley cringing at the crunch it made. "That looks... er, painful... Lemme try." he bit eagerly into his apple, the juice spraying across the table. He chewed a bit and then...inhaled. The next thing he knew he was on the floor gasping for air and clutching his throat. Chell hit him in the gut and he rolled over, coughing and spitting until he was able to breath once more. "No. More. Apples." he gasped between breaths. "Apples are evil."

Chell sighed and walked over to the fridge as Wheatley got to his feet again. "Chell...Chell. Chell! CHELL! CHEEEEELLLL!" he called. "I'm _hungry_ Chell!" "Then actually eat something!" Out of nowhere a cup of yogurt hit him in the face. Wheatley let out a yelp of pain and held it up in front of his face. "What the heck? This is like solidified milk! Bloody solidified milk! How am I even supposed to eat this...stuff?" A spoon hit him in response. Wheatley scowled and picked it up. He then began relentlessly stab the package, yogurt flying everywhere. Chell dashed up to him and grabbed his arm. "No Wheatley, like this." She opened the yogurt for him and held out the spoon. "Scoop it up with this and put it in your mouth." Wheatley blinked and took up the spoon. Long story short, after a few dozen attempts and a couple cups of Yoplait, Wheatley finally managed to get the spoon into his mouth.

He swallowed and grinned with satisfaction. "That was actually...good! It's like... milk stuff with bits in it!" Chell facepalmed for the umpteenth time. "Well then, you finish the yogurt and I'm going to bed." Wheatley glanced at the clock. He couldn't read it of course, but it looked late to him. "Yes! Erm... eight o'clock is a little late right?" Chell raised an eyebrow. "It's three in the morning." As if on cue, Wheatley crumpled to the ground. "So...tired..." he moaned. Chell sighed and tugged on his arm. "Come on, let's get into bed. Wheatley? Get up Wheatley. Come on!" she glared at his unmoving form and slapped him across the face. Wheatley sat up in a bolt and rubbed his cheek. "OW! Did you_ have_ to slap me? How would you feel I you-" he cut off at the sound of whirring mechanics.

GLaDOS's form emerged from the ceiling. She glanced at Wheatley, then at Chell, then at the utter mess the kitchen was in. Her golden gaze fell upon the two culprits. "_YOU_. Look at my kitchen! How did yogurt get everywhere?" she focused her gaze on Wheatley's trembling body. "I should have just incinerated you. I thought I could trust you. I thought you would be a worthy experiment. I was wrong, wasn't I? What were you even _doing_?" "Being Wheatley?" he replied gingerly. GLaDOS glared at him and turned to Chell who was nonchalantly eating an apple in the corner of the room. "And how could you let this happen? You were supposed to keep that moron out of the kitchen!" "And where were you? Playing science downstairs?" There was a faint sound of an explosion and the room shuddered, the lights flickering for a second. Distant shouts could be heard downstairs. Chell raised an eyebrow. "I was...experimenting." "With what? I know you've got no humans to test with. Unless you got ahold of the...no." Chell looked up at GLaDOS who was avoiding eye contact in a suspicious way. "GLaD? You didn't- You wouldn't! GLaDOS, who else did you turn human?" "No one. I don't know what you are talking about." Another explosion. "...Okay. I needed to do science! Baking all the time is just...boring sometimes. And I thought we could use a few hands around the house, you know?" Chell sighed. "Fine. You keep the others under control and I'll get Wheatley up to date." GLaDOS nodded and slipped back up into the ceiling. Chell turned and glared at Wheatley. "Room. Bed. Now." he nodded and dashed out into the hallway. A few seconds later there was a sickening thump and a cry of pain. Another followed. Chell sighed. This would take a bit.

When Chell walked into her room Wheatley was attempting to fit into his old bed. He was laying flat across the box, practically flattening it. Another facepalm. "Wheatley, it's almost four and you're trying to sleep in a box. What are you, a hobo?" Wheatley blinked. "Is that good?" Chell resented from facepalming and collapsed into bed instead. "Fine...sleep on the floor if you want. I'm going to bed." Chell finally closed her eyes, happily excepting the offer of sleep. "...Chell?" She moaned. Not now. "What is it?" Wheatley sat up in his box. "How do you go to sleep?" "Same as always. Close your eyes and don't move." A few minutes of silence passed. "It's not working." Chell groaned and rolled over in her bed. "Go to bed Wheatley." "I CAN'T!" Chell proceeded to ignore him the rest of the night.

Chell woke up to find Wheatley lying on top of her, hugging her arm as if it were a stuffed animal. "Wheatley you _perve_!" she shouted, kicking him off of the bed. He let out a startled cry and landed with a thunk on the carpet. "Um, ouch? You didn't have to kick me! I just got kinda cold and lonely..." "Listen, whatever. Just _don't_ sleep with me." Wheatley gave her a disappointed look. Chell sighed. "Okay, time to start being you."

"Okay, when you meet someone, what do you usually say?" Wheatley blinked. "Hello?" "Right, now humans also wave their hands to say hello. It's just a greeting." Chell stood up and waved to Wheatley. "Hello Wheatley." Wheatley sprang to his feet, waving his hand enthusiastically and way too fast. "Hello Chell!" She nodded with satisfaction. "Good job. Now, some people say hello by shaking hands." Chell proceeded to hold out her hand. "Grab my hand Wheatley." He reached out and took ahold of it gingerly. She began to pump it up and down. Soon Wheatley got the hang of it and was shaking her arm as if he was trying to fizz up a soda. "HELLO!" Chell brushed off his hand. "Good, good. Now, remember, the first impression you make on someone is the only chance you get. Freak them out and you're practically doomed, got it? You just have to be yourself. Now, I'm going to introduce you to someone new. Remember what I taught you, be yourself!" Chell shoved Wheatley out into the living room. A girl, Chell and Wheatley's age, was sitting on the couch. She had long straight brown hair and was wearing the usual Aperture uniform. Her eyes were the strangest color of deep purple and she glances in Wheatley's direction as he stumbled through the doorway.

He froze as soon as he saw her, eyes wide with shock, and drew a finger, pointing in her direction. "H-Human! Chell! There's a _human_ in here!" Suddenly remembering Chell's instructions he held out a trembling hand. "H-Hello, I-I'm Wheatley..." The girl smiled and extended a hand. "Don't really have a name. They call me Morality." Wheatley grinned and excitedly pumped his arm up an down. "'Ello Morality! Nice to meet you!" She reluctantly placed her other hand on top of his to stop the handshake. "Well...Wheatley...you seem a little ...strange." Wheatley waved his hands out in front of him. "Nonono! I'm not strange! I'm...human! Yes, perfectly- ...no, not really. I'm actually a-" "Core? Yeah, GLaDOS got me too. She and her crazy experiments..." Wheatley tilted his head sideways and walked around her, slowly examining every detail of her. He leaned in close to get face and peered into Morality's eyes. "Nope. Never seen you before. Must have been one of hers, am I right?" Morality blinked in surprise. "Y-Yes, I was hers! But I-" Chell walked in and grabbed Wheatley by the arm. "Time to go Grains, GLaDOS wants you." Wheatley let out a cry of protest. "B-But I- HEY! Stop it! I was talking to-" he cut off as he realized Morality had disappeared and gone elsewhere.

Chell dragged him into the hallway and then out to the kitchen where GLaDOS hung with a very unhappy look on her face. "_You_! Explain this!" she motioned to a wall where the words 'Rick is Awesome!' were painted on in green spray paint. Wheatley moaned. "Ohhh no... I thought you killed those guys! Please, just dispose of them already!" GLaDOS's gaze narrowed. "Apparently they somehow got into my experiment vault and were transplanted like you. Then they broke out of the test chambers." "You built test chambers under our HOUSE?" Chell exclaimed. GLaDOS metaphorically shrugged. "Direct route to Aperture. Had to keep my job somehow. Anyway, I need you to-" she was cut off by an explosion that sent Chell and Wheatley flying. Suddenly, a wail of fire alarms filled the house. There was a yell and a blond haired boy, Wheatley's age, stumbled out of the hallway coughing. "Have. To. Get. To. Space!" he gasped between coughs, golden eyes watering from the smoke. Wheatley lifted his head. "Space? That you? Get over here you bloody monster!" Smoke was beginning to fill the kitchen and GLaDOS had disappeared, like usual. Chell glanced to her side and noted Wheatley running circles frantically and his former companion watching him cluelessly. Chell sighed. "Guys, we have to get outside. See the door?" she motioned to the front door and the three took off running.

Chell burst outside, erupting into a fit of coughs. Wheatley was in a heap out on the lawn, Space was staring at the sky, and two others she didn't recognize we're running around aimlessly. A guy with messy brown hair and blazing green eyes ran up to her laughing. "Hey Lady, did you _see _that explosion? It was _epic_! This day deserves it's own holiday! There should be a song dedicated to this day! It should be like... Dadadada EXPLOSIONS Dadad-dada-dundundundundundun FIRE-" Chell cut him off. "Look, you. You caught our house on fire. Aren't you feeling at least a little bit guilty right now?" "No." Chell facepalmed.

The house eventually stopped burning and all that remained was a charred black skeleton. The garage, the kitchen, and the door to Aperture was all that remained intact. The gang was currently housed in the garage, Chell still intaking the damage of their home and Wheatley still traumatized. The others were still running about without a care in the world except the fact that they could now walk. Chell glanced up at the sound of whirring mechanics and saw GLaDOS's charred form emerge from the ceiling. Wheatley jumped and hid behind Chell whimpering. GLaDOS's gaze hardened. "Moron. I'll kill you." Wheatley was sobbing now. "Nonononono! _Please_! It wasn't me for once! It was- It was the- Don't kill me!" Before GLaDOS could reply to his pleas, he passed out. She sighed and turned to Chell. "Look, I actually trust you enough to do this for me." A mechanical arm emerged from the ceiling and dropped a small silver object into Chell's hands. "Take this and drive them as _far away_ as possible and don't come back for a _long, long time._ I'll give you...directions later but first, I need to rebuild our house. Our...beautiful...house..." Chell opened her mouth to reply but she was already gone. She glanced at the silver keys in her hand and clicked a small button on the side. Something clicked in response in the back of the garage. The back lit up revealing a van. Chell facepalmed for hopefully the final time today. Cars it is then.

**A/N: I know, I know, such a cliche. But there honestly is only _so much_ you can do with a metal ball! Humans just make it so much easier! I'll be posting ODL 5 soon, so stay tuned! (Unless you honestly hate this because I really don't blame you) ...I should seriously work on more stories... PROCRASTINATE ALL THE ARTWORK! :D**


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